Dear _________,

I ____ you.
You have a nice ______.
You make me _______.
You should _______.
Someday I will ______.
You + me = ________.
If I saw you now I'd __________.
I want to ________ you.
I would build a _______ just for you.
If I could sing you any song it would be _________.
We could __________ under the stars.
Love,
_______________

(P.S. ______________.)

Well,

I've just changed my LJ background. I think it's quite nice. It's something different from the other backgrounds.

Today I finished my christmas shopping, and wrapped the presents. It's hard to wrap quite a few presents, and takes some time. And I've realised my room is colder when you sit on the floor.

I got a lava lamp the other day from Alex for christmas, and I've got addicted to watching it. It's rather sad actually. Lol.

My life is.... shite. Really. Same as always.

{This section of the LJ post was removed for 'political' reasons. And I'm pissed off about it... but I've done it anyway.}

Anyway, I don't want to cause arguments, that's not what I'm here for.

I'm hoping that when the Uni bunch get back, I'll still have some of them being friends with me, and I hope quite a few of them will love me enough to agree to meet up, but who knows.

The majority of my teachers keep going out for day trips this week, and thus so far I have had about two taught lessons this week.

It sucks.
As does my life.

Oh well, least I have my Tonksie, Catty and my boy. My loves and supports.
Carol service at church on Sunday, and Catty's birthday. (need to go shopping for present!)

20!!! WOO!! Getting old, Catty love!

Got a text from Lucy apologising for her bad mood for the last two or so weeks. I didn't really notice, although I did notice her not talking to me in lesson, which is hard, as she is the only one who really does talk to me in lesson, when I choose to talk. I can't just live with Claire in lessons, I must assert myself more in lesson!!

Had offers from all of my Uni's now... so I have to make some decisions at one point. I wanted to look into Research parties for my GAP. And then whether I want to do education.

*sighs* We're just forced to grow up far too quickly.

Over and out.

Time to reflect...
1) Drinking Buddy of The Year?
Um... Haven't been to many parties, but would probably have to say Pete...

2) Lifetime service award - Longest friend?
Tonksie for this year, and Abi.

3) High Point of the year?
Passing my theory.

4) Low point of the year?
Going back to college. (At first... now it's cool)

5) Best holiday?
It'll have to be Soul Survivor for an experience.

6) Anthem for 2006?
"Don't stop me now." Queen

7) Any regrets?
Yeah, not going to University properly.

8) Best Night out?
Um... haven't been on many nights out... though it was probably last saturday seeing Bond and having a meal at Dexters.

9) Worst Night out?
Abi's birthday, with broken glas, a stupid dress that made me look fat and silly shoes.

10) Who did you spend your valentines with?
Peter

11) Best relationship?
Peter

12) Worst relationship?
I've had fights with Pete this year... but he'd never be a worst relationship.

13) First Gig of the year?
NA

14) Last gig of the year?
NA

15) Best gig of the year?
NA

16) Game of the year?
Oblivion for Xbox. And the XBOX 360 console.

17) Have you changed a lot in the last year?
I think I've definately grown up quite a bit. And I know what I want to do within the next four years, so that's cool.

18) Fav new friend?
Carly

19) What is the most significant thing you learned in 2006?
Not everything happens when you want it to.

20) Resolution for next year?
Get into Uni.

22) Cd of the year?
Marnia soundtrack.

23) Favorite drink of the year?
Appletiser... and I think I might drink more cider and black, coz that was quite nice.

24) Best hangover of the year?
NA. I'm yet to have gotten drunk, so haven't had a hangover.

25)Best piercing/tattoo of the year?
Nose for definate! Although the new star stud I've put in is digging it's way into my nose.

26) Favourite party of the year?
Um... My birthday party at the Buddha.

27) Movie of the year?
Casino Royale.


Repost as "The Awards - 2006" and add a question or two if you wish..

I didn't mean to say it...
I didn't mean to think it...
Where's freedom like this...
If not with you?

Why can't I dream?
Sit by the fire with you...
be warm and loved...
I feel alone...
and cold.

Will it forever be like this?
The rain closing in on me?
My friends vanish into the dusk...
The wind hits my face like whips.

I'll always be alone,
You've left me here in this darkness.
Nothing but a past memory of your name.
I'm alone, and I'm cold.
I'll always be alone and cold.

I am not worthy of your love,
Your pity,
Your kindness.

I am an animal who belongs in the darkness.
Leave me here to rot,
To melt like the snow in the sun.

Forever alone, and cold.

AND SHE PASSES!!!!!!!!

Yes. Bring it on practical!!

33 outta 35, and 54 out 75!

Jen 1 - Theory 0... (well 3, but sssh!)

I've finally had a reply from Aberystywth, and now I'm terrified.

I totally want to go there and nowhere else. If I had to, I would go somewhere else,but I really want to go to Aber.

They want me to get a B in Geography, and 300 points from A-levels.

I really want this.
Can I work to get it?
Will I be given the chance?

How can I do background reading, when we aren't told what to backround read on.

I'm so stressed with T+T deadlines and work, how am I supposed to do my geography work.

Can I do this?

I've never been in the minus numbers before. Why is it that retail therapy only lasts as long as it takes to get home and realise you're in the minuses.

It just sucks.

I'm tired of this life...

I want to move on...

I want a new life...

I feel like one of those released balloons, when the end hasn't been tied. Whizzing around the ceiling like a crazy wild animal, and then flopping lifeless into that corner that you just can't get to...


Italy trip is over again.
This year it was not as interesting, but I met three new people, and did my event! The team really enjoyed it, and I did too! The students apparently enjoyed the murder mystery too, and it worked! Big up for me!

I feel quite blank... I was going to type something, and I've now forgotten what I was going to say due to a msn box flashing lol.

I'm going to start trying more towards getting a new look before Uni. I know many of you may think I look fine, but I want to look more mature, and more stylish, like some of the people I know in my classes, and like one of the girls on the trip.

I feel as though I've become addicted to episodes of friends! If anyone is wondering what to get me for Christmas, Friends DVDs would be groovy. I have none at all, so you can start from the beginning!!! YAY!!!

Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm doing about presents yet. I might just stick to doing family, and get ones for friends if they've been nice! =P. I know what I'm getting Snapey, if I can get my hands on it! I saw it the other day, and it'll be priceless to her!! WOoo!

Anyway, I'm beginning to fall asleep at the keyboard. I've been so knackered recently. My new room is quite cold due to the wooden floor, and not having the right curtains, so when I snuggle under my duvet to get warm, I fall asleep at like 7:30!!! What a giggle!!

Over and out for now, my dears!
Lots of hugs and kisses for everyone who comments to my post!!
Muah ah ah ha ha!!!

Shout hip-hooray!

For I have finished my UCAS, and sent it to Referee!!

Joyous moments!!


WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

And I'm going on a date tonight with Pete, for a lovely meal! Yaysles!

And my room is almost done! Yaysles!
And I'm going to Aberystwyth tomorrow! Yaysles!

Well, what a week so far, even though it's only tuesday!

Friday was Pete's dad's funeral. That was quite different from other funerals I had been to, and the only bit that started the tears really was the bugel call at the end.
Then I met all the O'Leary's I hadn't met yet, and the Palmers... and got a headache from so many names. Lol.

Saturday we took everything out of my room, and bought the coving and stuff. We ripped up the carpet, and did lots of other interesting things that I just can't remember.

Sunday, we did coving, cleaned the walls, and did something else I can't remember.

Monday we painted the room, and stuff.

And today, the wardrobes arrived from the Argos delivery, and we did the flooring... well, Mum did it... I played on my PS2 game. {Is lazy.}

Tonight, we're about to go to the hairdressers in Grately... {Has no idea why we have to go so far away.}... then we're putting up the curtain rail, and might assemble one or both of the wardrobes. {Doesn't know yet.}... then, Pete is sleeping around again... and tomorrow Claire is coming over to do some of this work for the Italy trip...

Thursday... we'll probably be putting things back in the room, and buying rugs and cushions and the like.

Friday... we'll be off to Aberystwyth... and staying nearby at The Devil's bridge, which is a really awesome place...

Saturday... we'll be going round Aberystwyth University, and stuff. Then coming home.

Sunday... we'll sleep, and I'll probably finally get a chance to do my hwk.

Got to go now! Off to the hairdressers!!

Soundtrack to your life
IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc).
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.

Opening Credits:
“All the Way”- Delirious?
Waking Up:
“Suddenly I see”- KT Tunstall
First Day At School:
“Je Crois en Toi” – Il Divo
Fight Song:
“Grace like Rain” – Todd Agnew
Breaking Up:
“Isabel”- Il Divo
Prom:
“The Happy Song”- Delirious?
Life's OK:
“The Power of Love” – Celine Dion
Mental Breakdown:
“Did you feel the Mountains tremble?”- Delirious?
Driving:
“Oops I did it again.” – Britney Spears
Flashback:
“It’s all coming back to me now”- Celine Dion
Getting Back Together:
“Your love is better than life” - Skillet
Birth of Child:
“Cheeky Song” – Cheeky Girls
Wedding:
“Unwritten” – Natasha Bedingfield
Final Battle:
“Spanish Eyes” – On Guitar by Esteban
Death Scene:
“God help the Outcasts” -Disney
Funeral Song:
“Do the Hippogriff” – Harry Potter Soundtrack
End Credits:
“Flowers in the window”- Travis

Just a random update, so it still looks like I'm alive.. and because Cat threatened!! lol

College is better now, and the CU is fun! Yay! I'm really enjoying going along, and Mig is coming in three weeks to talk to us!

I go to Italy again in about 2 and a half weeks, which I'm looking forward to!!

Sitting at Mum's computer in her office having a hot chocolate before going to college... was falling asleep in the car and needed a hot chocolate!

I've babysat twice recently! I love babysitting. And I've managed to get myself £40 for it! yay! I babysat for Martin and Nina and Max and Gaynor. Woo!

Anyway, MySpace is more fun. =P

Everything you guys are doing sounds fun! Suzie, I'll give you a ring very soon, and Toria love I will write you a letter soon!

Love you all!

Go to my MySpace! Join MySpace! It's fun!

http://www.myspace.com/narbelethtinnu

Go see it... it be funkeh!

Calling all Street Rats who are returning to college tomorrow!

Where are we going to hang!?

I have a free till 10:15, has anyone else got one?!

AHh help!

Isn't it weird when you suddenly realise you're much older?

How your friends start to get into couples who they see spending the rest of their lives together. I went to a wedding today... the couple were not much older than me, and they were good friends from Fusion excetera. It's just scary how things go.

Hattie asked a while back when Pete and I were going to get engaged, and I freaked out. Becky T doesn't think it's such a bad idea either.

Apparently Pete thinks I'm pressurising him into definately getting married. He's saying to me right now that he doesn't feel like I'm giving him a choice.

For those who know me, they know that I'm needy, I'm desperate for love, and in the bad experiences I've had in the past, all I really need is to be with someone who I feel myself being safe with... Is that Pete?

Why do I even think sometimes that he is wrong for me?
Is it because mum keeps going on about it?

Do I need to follow in her footsteps, to show her that marrying someone like Dad is a mistake? Do I need a future of love-less marriage followed by divorce.

Mum sometimes says she wishes she never met Dad. That means though, that she wouldn't have me. Or Stephen.

It hurts.

I want to exist, I want to have a happy family. I want to have enough money to not have to worry about going out to the pub to have a drink with my friends. I want my own family, with my own husband and children.

I'm too young to get married now... but I want to be married by the time I'm 30 at least.

Maybe it'll never happen.

And, to scare everyone;

Geography As level= A

Travel and Tourism double Award= BB

Geology A level= B

I'm staying for a third year, and I may have more A levels next year! Woo!

Soul Survivor was really good, I have a lot to say about it, but I can't really be bothered to type.

Just to say, I've given up and am hoping to go back to college for a third year to finish my Alevels.

Tonight will be awesome with chilled out worship and prayer and church, with what I think will be a smallish group.

Looking forward to seeing Pete, as after spending 5 or so days with him, it's weird not seeing him!

Thank you to everyone who's coming to my party!

Why is it that seeing friends these days doesn't seem important?

I drove past Suz, Keihl, Lily and Kyle yesterday, on my way to Tescos to pick up Pete... why didn't I do anything, peep the horn, try and run them over, something just to acknowledge them.

I feel lost without my friends, but then, the last year, I haven't really had any friends. It seems strange, how they seem to sometimes have ignored me, or just let me be. How much did I just want to talk to girls and have girly conversations. Padfoot seemed to go off me half way through the year, Jo only seemed bothered to speak to me in Geology, Suzie came and went occasionnally, and I seriously felt as if Toria was shunning me.

I know you guys are going to read this, and then probably get annoyed with me for saying these things, but it is truly the way I feel. I've been at home by myself every day for the last month, and the only person I've spoken to is Andy over text message when he got back from Africa. He's the only person who has texted me. Except Hattie, who wanted me to meet up with her yesterday, but I couldn't because my grandmother came round.

I miss Tonksie, and Snapey and Schnarm, they spoke to me as much as they could. I miss going shopping with Abi, and having a laugh with Andy.

Why can college seem so happy some days, and feel so lost the next?
I still have Pete, but sometimes I want more...

I can't cope anymore.. I want to have this bbq party, but since Tim told me that as my idea was on the same day as Kirbys' and that everyone would go to his and not mine if I held it on the same day, I've had no real enthusiasm for holding this party.

Still, I have Soul Survivor this week, and then it's results day the week after, then Arundel. Maybe I'll see people then, though whether they'd take any notice of me...

I feel so alone...